Relationship Exit Strategy...

[RF1964]

I love saying "It's a bit loud in here can you come outside, just need a quick chat."

We both walk outside...

"Mate, you've now been evicted, you're way too intoxicated and can't come back in tonight. But I would love to see you back tomorrow night or next weekend. Come back and you'll be most welcome, but just for tonight I'm gonna ask you to move on. It's not the end of your night though, 1 pub is 50m that way and there are 3 clubs down that street, so don't waste time standing here go have a great time and get yourself another drink."

Then they look at you with this confused, blank stare and you can almost here them thinking "How the fuck did that happen?"

And off they trott down the street, lol.

I think pyschologically a lot of things are working in that scenario...

1). The patron left voluntarily (although unknowingly).
2). People fight to stay - but generally won't fight to get back in.
3). You've kicked them out - but you've invited them back at the same time, softens the blow of "rejection".
4). You've given them options of where to go next.
5). A lot of pissheads really want another drink... tell them where they can get one and they will go.

Bloody brilliant! You need to let every bouncer in Australia know this. Definitely the best way of moving people on who are intoxicated.

[cwat]

Bloody brilliant! You need to let every bouncer in Australia know this. Definitely the best way of moving people on who are intoxicated.

Every venue but 2 ive worked at this is standard practice.

And the 2 were/are top 10 most violent and the clientele there are fucking scum..

Owners won't let us stop scum walking in the door..All they see is dollar signs

[RF1964]

You maybe right but I said what I said not because of personal experience ( I have never been thrown out of a bar or club) but rather because of experiences of my mates and what I've heard on the news (i.e.Trademark, Ivy etc)

[cwat]

You maybe right but I said what I said not because of personal experience ( I have never been thrown out of a bar or club) but rather because of experiences of my mates and what I've heard on the news (i.e.Trademark, Ivy etc)

You also have to remember 9/10 at the time of their removal they're heavily intoxicated. Ive been working as a glassy and my mates been kicked out, his memory of what happened and my memory were 2 complete different things.

But saying that, ALOT of guards arn't like this, they just like to intimidate people and get paid shit money to fuel their egos. I work with plenty of dickheads that piss me off with how they act, i just don't associate with them.

Also doing this exit chat strategy lowers the risk of being hurt. I rarely intimidate anyone, one guard at work intimidates everyone for any reason and he's smaller than me! he's been hit 3 times in 5 weeks hahahaha ohh and one hit was from a chick haahahahaha

There's a huge difference between a good guard and a shit guard. Actually the impact of a shit guard is what can help ruin a place. How many times have you heard your mates say "fuck going there, the bouncers there are dickheads".. and go donate hundreds of dollars to another venue.. Weird how such a low level employee can have such an impact on the venue.

[cwat]

So im going over to a girl mates place of mine with my old mans trailer and moving her shit into her parents place for her(an old incredibly hot girl mate ive known for years) got 2 big bouncer mates of mine helping me too. She broke up with the dude expecting him to move out, he went nuts, trashed heaps of shit and kicked her out lol..

Sounds like what you've done really worked out well. The more i look at it the more i see the extra thought in it.. Job well done sir!

[Tony Montana]

So im going over to a girl mates place of mine with my old mans trailer and moving her shit into her parents place for her(an old incredibly hot girl mate ive known for years) got 2 big bouncer mates of mine helping me too. She broke up with the dude expecting him to move out, he went nuts, trashed heaps of shit and kicked her out lol..

Sounds like what you've done really worked out well. The more i look at it the more i see the extra thought in it.. Job well done sir!

Yeah man, it was planned with the strategic precision of a military operation. Everything from analysing the decision, creating the plan of attack, gathering resources, implementing the steps, etc was all given a lot of thought. You know, I think even my ex would say I did it pretty well

I also think that the reason that we are getting on well now is that she realises everything I did was done respectfully and considerately. Whilst it was not what she wanted (and it still isn't) I think the fact that she knows that I gave it a lot of thought does count for something.

She knows that I love her and I still deeply care about her, and because of that very reason I had to be honest with her, i.e. if you really love someone would you lie to them, be deceitful, not tell them the truth, etc? As I told her recently, “I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

It's sad, but it also an extremely positive thing.

[bonzajude]

Hats off mate. My situation was nowhere near as complicated as yours and it took me a year to finally break it off for good. One whole year of unhappiness for me and her, will never make that mistake again

[ZAC1983]

You did very well tony. My partner and I have just split up after nearly 5years together and we have an amazing son whos 3yrs old in 2months time. Its very hard when they're nearly 3 and old enough to talk and walk/run everywhere and stuff. Hes trying to understand it wh ymy pillow is gone from 'mummys' bed now and ive had to move back in with the olds for the moment as my funds are random. We'd been rocky for reallly the last 3 years and ever since he was born getting her post baby body back has been one of the biggest issues with her self esteem. I tried to encourage her but because im the partner it was always seen as a personal attack . So our sex life was affected big time and although its not everything, it really does play havoc with allround hapiness I believe. Ive only been gone 4 days and still come back to the house to watch my son while mummys at work so it plays with the emotions big time. Just reading this article made me break down actually because i know exactly how you were feeling. Anyway enough of my rant i dont normally open up like that. Catch yas round.

[plexus]

Sad mate. At least you have left. Wish I had the balls to leave.

[bonzajude]

keep your head up zac it will get easier over time mate

[Thrasha]

Sad mate. At least you have left. Wish I had the balls to leave.

didnt u just get a house with the missus? sorta going the wrong way if u feelin like that bro. not an attack just pointing it out. 1 of my mates has been talking about leaving his missus for yrs, so what did he do? moved from the house they were renting, bought a house together had another kid, and he stil wants to leave.... go figure. i dont think he knows what he wants to do

[cwat]

Could always do what my mate did. Ring me on the thursday telling me im helping him empty his unit while his mrs is away because when she gets back he's going to break up with her hahaha..

Didn't take long to empty it either... Very efficient method

[adz82]

Could always do what my mate did. Ring me on the thursday telling me im helping him empty his unit while his mrs is away because when she gets back he's going to break up with her hahaha..

Didn't take long to empty it either... Very efficient method

Fire?

[cwat]

Fire?

fire??

[adz82]

fire??

Did you clean the place out with fire?

[cwat]

Did you clean the place out with fire?

Hahahahaha nah...

[adz82]

Hahahahaha nah...

LOL shame it would have been newsworthy

[Tony Montana]

You did very well tony. My partner and I have just split up after nearly 5years together and we have an amazing son whos 3yrs old in 2months time. Its very hard when they're nearly 3 and old enough to talk and walk/run everywhere and stuff. Hes trying to understand it wh ymy pillow is gone from 'mummys' bed now and ive had to move back in with the olds for the moment as my funds are random. We'd been rocky for reallly the last 3 years and ever since he was born getting her post baby body back has been one of the biggest issues with her self esteem. I tried to encourage her but because im the partner it was always seen as a personal attack . So our sex life was affected big time and although its not everything, it really does play havoc with allround hapiness I believe. Ive only been gone 4 days and still come back to the house to watch my son while mummys at work so it plays with the emotions big time. Just reading this article made me break down actually because i know exactly how you were feeling. Anyway enough of my rant i dont normally open up like that. Catch yas round.

Mate, feel free to rant here whenever you like. You can't bottle things up - you must have an outlet or you will crack. In many respects coming to this forum and detailing everything I went thru was a big help in finally breaking up with my partner. All I can say is things will get better. It's like any loss, almost like having a loved one pass away - there really is no cure. You just need time. Time to go thru the process, very much like grief. BUT it will happen and in your deepest and darkest moments you need to maintain a belief that what you are experiencing is merely a stepping stone to a better place. Let us know how you go ZAC...

[ZAC1983]

Yep thats it. Time is the key and over time it will help me accept the situation. Meanwhile I still havent bought rollies ( I used to smoke and train up til 6.5months ago and still managed a 145srm bench as a smoker ) and making sure each day I dont crack is hard but im doing it. Weights and getting the treadmill fixed is a good healthy time killer at the moment.
ZAC

[Tony Montana]

Try asking yourself "How would smoking improve the situation?" It wouldn't actually make anything better... but of course you knew that

Besides this is a great test, if you can get thru this without smoking then you can pretty much say you have quit for good.

Stay strong.